I found her. Stumbled across her in the dark. The one I was supposed to find. The one who made it all make sense. The missing piece of the puzzle. It’s a puzzle that has hundreds of missing pieces but with her there none of the others matter. With her jagged edges and bloodstains and the madness in her eyes and the sadness in her heart she is perfect. With her there the roaring in my ears stops and my heart stops tearing apart. With her there there is always a reason. I was never supposed to find her and I was always supposed to find her. It was impossible but she found me. She found me and the world changed.
And then she got scared. I was just one missing piece and all the hundreds of other missing pieces mattered more. She closed the door on me, she drew up the drawbridge and closed me out and the thing is, I didn’t get out in time and I didn’t want to get out. Everything about me that matters is still in there, deaf and dumb and blind but there, with her, and my senses and guts and pain and logic are all out here. Lost, with no reasons, because all the reasons are behind that wall. So I stumble around lost, and there are no reasons