Building

I build a shrine to you
a little hut
from whitened bones of deception
and jagged glass shards of searing, lacerating truth.
Inside, a piece of the sun,
the only sun
the only warmth
pulsing like my mother’s placental blood;
and these words inscribed at the door:
“Cleave to this. Fail, and worlds fall”.
I failed, and worlds fell,
providing copious rubble
for building and decorating
my hut.

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Intersperse

I fall through you
we barely pause
we barely slow
each other in
our trajectories.
That instant we
are mingled shocks
time to stillness;
those gossamer
walls, the drifting
insubstantial
whisps of your being,
turn out to be
massive, every
speck a neutron
star; and as you
recede I am
perforated
sliced
light streaming
through me
through a
million pinholes,
love and memory
spilling in my
wake. I’m coming
apart,
decohering;
this collection
of my fragments
keeping company
for a while.

I’m done

“You know what? I’m done. I’m done with anyone who cant make up to me, or make time for me, I don’t deserve that, I deserve people who care, who check up on me, no, who want to check up on me, people who can’t let me stay mad at them, who’d always wanna make sure I’m happy, loving myself and living my life, who support me and lift my standards so high because they really wanna make me feel all loved and heard, with everything in them, they’d always inspire me to be better, to do better, to love myself and to see beauty in it, and I’m unimaginably grateful i can actually say i have this kind of people in my life and i swear i’ll hold on to them as tight as I possibly can because honestly, i would never want to let anyone like that go”

highlypoetic via wnq-writers

I don’t have those people.  But you do.  And I’m not done.

 

http://wnq-writers.com/post/164120430870/you-know-what-im-done-im-done-with-anyone-who

Dreaming

I’m falling asleep again.
It cost me everything to wake
and now sleep is coming again.
Once my eyes close, will I
remember what I dreamed
while I was awake?

Reason

I want to see you
I need to look into your eyes
and know that this is not only
some drunken skype thing
some sweet madness
I need to see your eyes
without wine
or skype
because I want to trust you.
Choose you, like you already chose me
like some corner of your heart
puzzled us both mightily by choosing me
and didn’t we do well?
to honour it
even if we needed wine
to listen to that voice
that most sane delusion
whispering “trust him. trust her”
both crazy enough to listen
even if only at night.
Didn’t we do well? That
voice is life, that madness
is love, that doesn’t need
a reason.
And now my 3am voice is saying
you might be the one
to know.
I don’t know why I care if anyone ever
knows. If I care. But
you might join me here
in this loneliness and this indifference
not to fill it. Just to see it. So
I want to lay it all out for you
because you might take the opportunity
to not hurt me. If you
turn around, walk away, and live;
I will know that somebody saw
and somebody knew. Without needing a reason.

Stolen

It’s awkward
I hadn’t imagined
I might live
I didn’t know
Some animal part of me
fought against
my unimaginable end
and this is how it goes
I thought
this brute
this encasement
of flesh and pumping
heart
will insist
will continue
and carry me along with it
fainting and weeping
like an unwilling bride
thrown across the pommel
I’ll be stolen
and grow accustomed
to life
I thought.
I thought I knew
that I would live
but I didn’t know
I never imagined it
and now what next?
I want to go back
to my stern father
the guillotine
to what’s known
and true.
Take me back
please
so I know what’s true
again.

Ecstasy

When
like an old friend
turning up at the door
after years
and nothing had changed
when
death whispered in my ear
like a lover
I arched my back
in sensual delight
and whispered the words
like I could feel
the knife
sliding in to my heart
and I groaned aloud
at the imagined
pleasure of it.